


the angsty art student and happy science kid

by maari_bar



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Depressed Kihyun, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, art student kihyun, but his boyfriend is there to help him out, but start off with angst, gib kihyun lots of love, it gets fluff towards the end, science student hyunwoo, vvv supportive hyunwoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 05:39:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18329729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maari_bar/pseuds/maari_bar
Summary: Hyunwoo engulfed Kihyun in a large hug, Kihyun squished against his frame, a small smile crept up on his lips."And remember, bad times are times that are bad, things always get better, always."





	the angsty art student and happy science kid

**Author's Note:**

> HELLo, a small warning, there is heavily implied self harm in this, so if you can't read that, this may not be the fic for you (((i have written much much much fluffier thing if you want to check it out))))
> 
> and, get help if you guys need it!! i know mental illness sucks but you are not alone

Tick tock   
  
Tick tock   
  
Tick tock   
  
The clocked sounded off every minute, time feeling as if slowed down.    
  
Kihyun was slumped against his desk, pressing his head against the paint-stained desk. He had been in the same position for about an hour, as he arrived at his dorm after classes had ended.    
  
He shifted his eyes over a thin Exacto knife beside his head. Dried blood crusted the knife. His crafting knife, used for clay structures, polymer, and, carving marks into his skin.     
  
He felt useless. When yesterday he didn't.     
  
He felt stupid for feeling useless.   


_there were people suffering more than me, right?_ __  
  
He felt tired. Exhausted.   
  
_but i didn't do anything_  
  
He felt guilty for being this tired for nothing.    
  
_Now you are burdening everyone with your behaviour, happy now?_  
  
He had suddenly lost his creativity streak, setting himself up for a difficult art block, his mind becoming a blank canvas.   
  
Yesterday he was smiling, pumping out sketch after sketch, ideas after ideas, he was productive and proud. He was happy. Smiling with Hyunwoo  
  
Kihyun tightened his empty fist. The sting on his inner thighs and calves amplified. The cuts pulse as a reminder.   
  
_What was Hyunwoo going to think?_  
  
Kihyun sighed. He shut his eyes. The thought of Hyunwoo finding the blade out again, it scared him.   
  
_Is this the time he's going to give on my useless self?_ __  
  
The clock's ticks reminded him he was still, here. He continues to live on with time, only for his end to be determined by his own hands.   
  
He was pulled out of his thoughts with the sound of the door opening. He didn't bother to move, knowing full well who it was.  
  
"Kihyun," Hyunwoo's voiced echoed, stepping into his shared dorm.   
  
Kihyun didn't move a muscle.   
  
"Kihyun," he repeated, shutting the door behind him. He dropped his bag on the side as he slipped his shoes off. He walked over to his boyfriend, concern plastered on his face.   
  
"Babe, are you okay?" He asked quietly, quickly noting Kihyun's position and behaviour. He stood beside his boyfriend, who as yet to say anything.  
  
"You don't need to talk right now, alright? Only once you are ready, okay dear?" He gently reminded, eyes quickly noticing the knife. Hyunwoo felt his heart stop, the fear ran through his body. His breathing picked up by the slightest.   
  
He reached over Kihyun to pick it up.   
  
"Did you use this Ki?" He knew the answer but wanted to slowly bring Kihyun out of his silence. He nodded once, Hyunwoo hummed.   
  
"Did you use it on your legs?" Hyunwoo found the scars more on his legs than anywhere else, it had been easy for Kihyun to hide.   
  
He responded with a nod.   
  
"Did you clean them?" This time, he shook his head.   
  
"Okay, I'll get the alcohol swabs and bandages, alright? I'll be right back," he said, Kihyun responded with another nod. Hyunwoo darted towards the bathroom, knowingly placing the first aid kit it spot to easily locate. He grabbed the red box off the counter, quickly returning towards Kihyun.   
  
"Alright babe, can you sit up please?" He asked, voice calm. Kihyun pushed himself up, back leaning against the chair.   
  
"Good job babe, can I clean your cuts?" he had to ask, even if he was going to do it. Kihyun nodded once. He was dressed in short shorts, making Hyunwoo's job easier. He rolled the chair back and turned Kihyun towards himself. He crossed his arms and stared at the table, away from Hyunwoo's eyes.   
  
Hyunwoo sat on the floor, opening the kit up and took the bandages and alcohol swabs out. He tore one of the packages and scanned Kihyun's leg, finding cuts on his calves and seeing redness towards the inner thigh.   
  
He softly ran the swab over the cuts, and Kihyun had not flinched. The blood seeped into the swab, reddening quickly.   
  
Hyunwoo turned the chair to get better access. He ran down Kihyun's calf, cleaning the cuts. Once the blood had been cleaned, he placed the used material on the table. Hyunwoo reached over to pull bandages out.

  
"Are you disappointed?" Kihyun croaked out, Hyunwoo looked with a small smile.    
  
"No." He tore the packaging off the bandage, removing the plastic over the adhesive.    
  
"Why?" Kihyun asked, the desperation to know lingers in his voice. He still avoided eye contact. 

"Because you went four months clean, yes you did hurt yourself now when you don't deserve the pain whatsoever, but it does not backtrack the progress you made," he reminded, smoothly applying the cartoony themed kakaotalk characters onto his cuts.    
  
Kihyun remained quiet for the duration of Hyunwoo cleaning and plastering bandages on the rest of his calf and inner thighs. Hyunwoo made a few too many dirty jokes in attempts to talk to himself, Kihyun felt amusement begin to bubble up somewhere inside. He already felt his mood improve with Hyunwoo.    
  
"Now that this is done, would you like to join me in bed for a cuddle session?" Hyunwoo stood up, tossing the paper and plastic into the bin beside the table.    
  
Kihyun nodded, pushing himself up, thighs stinging but he shuffles towards his bed, situated a few steps behind his desk. He sits on the edge. Hyunwoo follows, sitting in the middle of the bed and yanking the blanket into his hands, stretching his arms out.    
  
"Come here," he mumbled, Kihyun pushed himself into Hyunwoo's body, he smiled and wrapped Kihyun with the blanket, his arms and legs surrounded his boyfriend. Hyunwoo's frame swallowed Kihyun's.     
  
The two remained quiet for a while, the clocks ticks still loud, but not harsh to Kihyun's ears.    
  
"Would you like to talk, or not now?" He asked, Hyunwoo always gave Kihyun an option for opting out.    
  
"Uhm, I, I wanna talk," Kihyun answered meekly. His voice hummed. He shifted around to face Kihyun. "I'm all ears dear."    
  
"Well, today, as soon as I got out if bed, it was, it was hard. I knew that today would end, end up like this, it, during my classes, I couldn't think straight, and the thoughts came back, I'm a burden, I-I-I s-shouldn't b-be he-re--"    
  
"Deep breaths honey, in and out, steady." Hyunwoo gripped onto Kihyun's shaky hands. He heard the agitation in his voice.   
  
"Deep breaths, there we go, good job Ki." He followed Hyunwoo's instruction, inhaling exhaling slowly. His breaths were shaky, slowly becoming steady. Hyunwoo smiled.    
  
"Good job Kihyun." He massaged Kihyun's hands. "And Kihyun, you know the thoughts are lies, you are never a burden, never ever, what I am doing right now is to help you, and I want to, I want to help you, do not think you are a burden to me or anyone else," he said, reminding Kihyun.    
  
Even if Kihyun doesn't believe his words after the ninth time, he will say it a tenth time.    
  
"But I am--"   
"Nope, not a burden," Hyunwoo stated. Kihyun sighed.    
  
"I was exhausted all of today, but I did nothing."   
  
"It's okay to feel tired, you don't a reason to be tired, if you're tired, your body wants you rest, not run into overdrive."    
  
"But I shouldn't be tired, I did nothing, I should be feeling this, nothing happened, other people have it worse and I--" Hyunwoo cut Kihyun off, he knew, he heard this train of thought before.    
  
"You do not, need an excuse to be tired, you do not compare your struggles with others, everyone has struggles, and they are not comparable with anyone's, you do not need to be guilty for feeling, it's a human thing, emotions make humans, humans. You aren't going through this alone, you got my log of my self here," Hyunwoo reminded once more. Kihyun's smile perked up on the last line.    
  
"Thank you, Hyunwoo," he mumbled, placing his head in his boyfriend's chest. He still had trouble believing Hyunwoo's words, the guilt still weighted him down, but the thought and effort made by Hyunwoo made his shitty day less shitty.    
  
Hyunwoo engulfed Kihyun in a large hug, Kihyun squished against his frame, a small smile crept up on his lips. "And remember, bad times are times that are bad, things always get better, always."

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed this piece, i wanted to bring light to mental illness, and i did so, via fanfiction (if there are mistakes fhdjhfd my apologies) 
> 
> and thank you for reading :D


End file.
